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There are a lot of comparisons in the Bible compairing the relationship between Christ and his followers/church to a marital relationship between two people.
If I treat God as if I am married to him and must remain faithful as a wife, then I must respond: "God and I have this relationship and how does each friendship/romance affect that relationship and fit in our group of two. So, the idea becomes "how does this person affect "us" rather than "me"." It creates an interesting distancing affect between myself and others, as it should, so that I don't focus on how they fullfill me, or might in the future. That place is already filled. I am not alone.
So I begin to think of people (i.e. people I've tried to create lasting relationships with and got to know, not just random individuals) as...
1. People I call family because they understand "our" connection and get it. Their connection may be enough to walk with "us" closely throughout life.
2. People who remind me of how important "our" relationship is and/or encourage it, even if they don't share it.
3. People who discourage or cause "us" pain
4. People who just don't understand "our" relationship and create their own distance.
Basically, thinking about my relationship with Christ as a marriage relationship takes the focus off me and puts it where it should have been anyway - "us"
amorousI thought I’d blog about getting engaged. I may embarrass my future spouse, but he can always comment if I get something wrong…
It all started the prior Wednesday, the second anniversary of our first date. I worked until 9 p.m. that night, so we couldn’t really go out. Bert bought me a dozen roses and cookie dough though, because I’d had a rough day and he loves me.
That Friday I stopped by after work to gather the plan for the weekend and found Bert agitatedly awaiting the USPS truck. When asked what he needed so badly, he said “computer part for a client. I need to put something together for Monday.” I was suspicious but played along†.
But, that weekend nothing unusual happened. Nothing came in the mail. I was actually miffed because he wouldn’t go to a jazz festival with me, though I had a good time with other friends. We’d talked about going out to eat downtown to celebrate the anniversary, but it was too crowded from the jazz fest. We did bike over to Longhorn (yummy rolls!) for a meal.
Average Monday… Average Tuesday…
Tuesday night we’re saying goodnight. We always pray together before he leaves and give the dogs a “night night treat.” He says, “I have a gift for you,” and puts a little box w/ a snap into my hand. I open it up to a gorgeous ring. I praised it. He didn’t say anything for a minute, so I started to wonder if it was just an enthusiastic anniversary present. Then he got down on both knees and asked me to marry him. I said yes.
*curtain of decency falls upon much smooching*
The End
†Turns out I was right. He special delivered it, but it didn’t make it. There is a chance Homeland Security felt the need to check it out, since it bore their sticker of approval upon arrival. The same sticker of approval a box of chocolates from England got… only the box, since they ate every chocolate.
sadPerhaps more than Columbine, the school shootings in Virginia really shake me. Maybe it’s because I’ve taught English classes at University and had students like Cho. None of them did something like he did, but they wanted to. They were angry and unhappy, wanting more and faster than anyone could achieve on their own. They were frustrated with their confusion and disconnect from other people, but unsure if they wanted to connect to a society with so many problems and anxieties.
Maybe it’s because I connected with them on a personal level. Not the violence, since I don’t think I could hurt anyone on purpose. But, the isolation and disconnect? That’s human. And, I think everyone has a time in their life when they pull away from people and disconnect. As long as the person is able to reconnect and use that time for personal improvement, it’s a good thing.
The problem is this disconnect is becoming the norm. Everyone is “connected” or “friended” to everyone else, online and off, but no one really knows anyone else. Instead of real contact everyone feels like they have to have more people reading their blog/myspace/facebook/e-mail…whatever the latest craze is. It’s not just kids doing it. My approx. 30 year old friends had a contest to see how many people would join their myspace.
So, I’m coming up with a list to help people know when they’ve been gone too long. If you think of something, feel free to reply to this post with suggestions.
don't askA friend of mine recently stopped a story mid-sentence because she remembered she’d told the story before. I encouraged her to go on, but the moment was lost.
When I hear a story from someone I’ve heard before I have two choices. I can work on my mental grocery list, or I can try to find out why this story was important enough to tell twice (or even 15 times).
I take the most interest in comparing the previous telling of the story with the current one. The storyteller’s state of mind becomes clear by listening to the differences, often more than the original telling.
The more obvious thing is the emotion with which the story is told. If they tell a story they used to tell lightly, but it comes out very serious, something in that story speaks to how they feel at the moment. I warned it was obvious. The hard part is figuring out if the emotion has anything to do with the story, or something entirely different.
The least obvious is what people leave out or add in. Different details from events are remembered differently depending on what we’ve recently done. If someone mentions a detail about their mother’s response where they haven’t before, they’ve probably recently spoken with or thought about their mum. If the detail is positive, the connection was probably good. The hardest part about this one is remembering which parts of the story are different and how.
accident proneMost people use weather as a way to make small talk, but I talk about it because it's addicting.
Seriously, it's like all-natural tv. It's changing all the time, with no answers as to what it'll do next. Sure, we can make predictions, especially if we've been trained what to look for, but it usually surprises us just the same.
Some days it's dark, so we watch it more. It's beautiful and exciting. How many times do you look out the window on a stormy day? Like a great tragedy, or a soap opera, the storm draws the eyes in spite of us.
It's amazing how much it effects human mood. It's a rush. I love it.
cool
Masks, painted or otherwise, hide us well. Personal masks keep people at an emotional distance, protecting whatever we think we need to hide.
I've met people with obvious masks, some with good intemtions: "I'm fine, just...fill in the blank here." Some are just a macho, or needy, attitude that is much more frustrating, because it's harder to confront attitudes than obvious lies.
Other masks are more difficult to discern and even harder to work against. Some people keep a busy schedule so no one has time to really get to know them. Some people are arrogant or mean, so no one dares get emotionally close. These masks are hard because you can't tell why the mask is there, or even if there is a mask, until you get to know them. It hurts to get to know them, so most don't bother.
Strangers masks we must respect. It is not my right to break a stranger's personal shield because I’m not in the mood to take crap. That's for their friends and family. The question is… where do we draw the line?
It is with great sadness that I mourn the passing of summer. This evening I put away my sandals in memoriam and put on socks for the first time in months. It is a ritual, a kowtowing to the beast of winter. But, an odd thing happened this fall. When my toes curled into their cotton entrapments…it felt good. It felt cozy, like an arm around your shoulder at a fall bonfire. I didn’t want it to feel good; I want my toes to cry “FREEDOM” till the last day in September. They didn’t.
We all pass through life with great expectations. Some are fulfilled and we can't remember why we wanted them. Some are lost and we may always be haunted by their absence. I pray that as we loose autumn leaves to the cold, we also let expectation fall to the ground. Not standards, just what we think we want, or "have to" have. Winter is tiring enough without being weighed down by false expectations.
chillin'
Has it really been all summer since my last post? That’s just insane. I feel awful. I must have been busy or something.
Part of my summer time has been acquired by Nyssa, a puppy. She’s my baby, though she’s already as big as many full grown dogs. She’s a German Shepard/Labrador mix, so I fully expect to ride her to work next summer. She doesn’t know my plan yet, but I’m sure it’ll go over really well.
I’ve also been traveling. I took a few trips to Illinois to see family and took a vacation trip to Canada. We saw Toronto and Niagara Falls. We also visited my Aunt’s family in Detroit. They were awesome (yes, I know she reads this, but it’s true). I took more pictures than absolutely necessary. Several dirty looks appeared around picture 421. By 532 some violence was plotted, but foiled by “look, over there! It’s a waterfall!”
That doesn’t seem like it would fill up a whole summer, but the time passes quickly.
Other things that take time: My boyfriend moved to about 0.5 miles from my house. My friend decided he could be friendly again in April because he wasn’t getting married this summer after all. (Now he is again, so we’re not paling around. Yes, it’s more complicated than that). My friend Keri moved down to Columbia, which is fabulous. I bought a Creative ZEN: M, which I recommend to anyone who likes to fiddle with music as well as just listen to it. Oh, and work.
For those of you curious about the fence and camera choice: I got both. I got a kennel size fence, which I hope to add to as Nyssa hits full-size. (That may be some time, since my car keeps breaking down.) The camera is a D200, which is already earning its keep.
-Mel.
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